Maggie also
So Glad for what I have in life

I imagine there were others in the mental ward, non-nurses or doctors, with four year degrees. But it made me kind of proud and humbled that I achieved some of the things I have in my life inspite of a mental diagnosis.

I felt very much like Siddhartha might have felt when he left the privileged place where he was raised and went out to walk with the people.

I never in my life would have not allowed me to get the degree - my greatest achievement. It was a goal that I set and made half the world struggle with me as I went out like the most determined person in the world to get it. It was so so hard to fight for that 4 year degree in 12 long hard years. But I made a lot of friends along the way.

My friends in the mental ward had parole officers, had done wrong things I know I never would do, had been violent or done drugs or hurt themselves. I am not better than them. But I made my strife for something different. I made my fight for something else. It was for 12 years a degree.

Now I am volunteering for River's Way. I want to help them get better donations so they might help more people. I had other goals, that feel as if they might have been lofty. I wanted to work and take complete control of my life, to be 100 percent independent. Now having seen what I saw in the ward, I know I don't have to.

I have so much more family and friends, in the deepest most wonderful beloved way than any of the people I know, even the nurses. I come from a place of pure helping, and for just a while I would like just to try a little bit harder to be a little bit more grateful in everything I do.

I have been listening to Joe Purdy's Children of Privilege. And it occurs to me oddly that I think I met this man who sings my tune. Once long ago in Berea he might have visited Rheldi Purdy or I am wrong, but if it was him, it could have been because he apparently has Fayetteville connections.

My brother Joey helped me so much. And then if I start naming everyone I just get so many names down and it gets boring on paper to look at. My own professor guide even called me in there and I got to talk to her beautiful husband. I am just so blessed.

Posted
Joey
releasing two haskell libraries in one day: libmodbus and git-lfs

The first library is a libmodbus binding in haskell.

There are a couple of other haskell modbus libraries, but none that support serial communication out of the box. I've been using a python library to talk to my solar charge controller, but it is not great at dealing with the slightly flakey interface. The libmodbus C library has features that make it more robust, and it also supports fast batched reads.

So a haskell interface to it seemed worth starting while I was doing laundry, and then for some reason it seemed worth writing a whole bunch more FFIs that I may never use, so it covers libmodbus fairly extensively. 660 lines of code all told.

Writing a good binding to a C library has art to it. I've seen ones that are so close you feel you're writing C and not haskell. On the other hand, some are so far removed from the underlying library that its documentation does not carry over at all.

I tried to strike a balance. Same function names so the extensive libmodbus documentation is easy to refer to while using it, but plenty of haskell data types so you won't mix up the parity with the stop bits.

And while it uses a mutable vector under the hood as the buffer for the FFI interface, so it can be just as fast as the C library, I also made functions for reading stuff like registers and coils be polymorphic so easier data types can be used at the expense of a bit of extra allocation.

The big win in this haskell binding is that you can leverage all the nice haskell libraries for dealing with binary data to parse the modbus data, rather than the ad-hoc integer and float conversion stuff from the C library.

For example, the Epever solar charge controller has its own slightly nonstandard way to represent 16 bit and 32 bit floats. Using the binary library to parse its registers in applicative style came out quite nice:

data Epever = Epever
    { pv_array_voltage :: Float
    , pv_array_current :: Float
    , pv_array_power :: Float
    , battery_voltage :: Float
    } deriving (Show)

getEpever :: Get Epever
getEpever = Epever
    <$> epeverfloat  -- register 0x3100
    <*> epeverfloat  -- register 0x3101
    <*> epeverfloat2 -- register 0x3102 (low) and 0x3103 (high)
    <*> epeverfloat  -- register 0x3104
 where
    epeverfloat = decimals 2 <$> getWord16host
    epeverfloat2 = do
        l <- getWord16host
        h <- getWord16host
        return (decimals 2 (l + h*2^16))
    decimals n v = fromIntegral v / (10^n)

The second library is a git-lfs implementation in pure Haskell.

Emphasis on the pure -- there is not a scrap of IO code in this library, just 400+ lines of data types, parsing, and serialization.

I wrote it a couple weeks ago so git-annex can store files in a git-lfs remote. I've also used it as a git-lfs server, mostly while exploring interesting edge cases of git-lfs.


This work was sponsored by Jake Vosloo on Patreon.

Posted
Maggie also
out of hospital

I was impressed by the loving care that brought me to the hospital for my mental breakdown and was treated very well inside there. Thank you to all of my new friends from 5 East.

Love, Maggie

Posted
Maggie also
All the notes of songs rise like

mystic fireflies

the dawn puts down all the Poetry

like an old limp rag I had to clean forever with.

But I can keep one more good poem.

But just one one more bye.

I tried to be normal all my damned life.

It was hard to be a magical person who whistled at Africa but sang home so hard it rained when tears gathered.

I met a new friend and he is a good one. So I kept him though.

I don't hurt little people or big people.

I feel like a little trembling rabbit near him.

It helps to see him hop off all sassy, like a fox or wolf.

But unseal garlic Anna.

Stop trying to kiss the moon baby Tina lovie.

I loved my neighbor Tina the best, but Charlie was somehow the best neighbor, always singing in love on the old porch so rainy.

I thanked a nonmentionable friend who was scandilous and wicken.

Not enough though.

And I told only one little lie love.

So don't read anymore here.

You hurt too much.

Posted
Maggie also
Trying for a clear sentence Ed old Davis.

You are the best teacher though. You yearned to leave me knowledge so hard that some magic happened and one tiny spell changing stuck like a tick on the old butt of it all friendie.

Posted
Maggie also
jOEYS NAME DEARIE

was always so much softer. If coming home is gentle rain let you write one one more. And never say another word baby baby. honey joy little ting.

Joey tells the humor like a wicket stock marketer I lovd more than my own little pee wee old brain..

It's still ok.

I am all better. It was the medicine of life teaching me that Dans steal joy with attitude. The old sassy Dan at Bloom cafe or some other dumb old free food establishment.

I loved Emily harder than lifes gust. But Thunder said she NEVER WULD EVER LET ME WASH HER DAMN OLD DISHES BECAYSE she hates myl it le gut head for being a thing of thinner beauty than her rosy round old hearth.

Tha joke is inthe little old mistpellings.

Flowers grow like rboken lillies, old Joey laughs and rumbles a big fart for Jerremiah who blos a wink at the log

the old lover Dani humms like a cat of job joy, but you have to be still honey and do the love thing and than thank your sweet sturip nieghbors then refuse free blog service more too much time to her the little sweet hen who loves her woonded egglet baby.

She's a drop of sweet sugar in the old milk is all.

True love hurts so so hard.

don't tell old onley onley oney. The old liar ok? lovie. baby. SSSSShhhhhhhh lit light makes e

me all messy Wrenny old Anna is still lumbering away in the love harvest.

Leave it up for one week

take it down with a comb.

I had to delete my phone forver. Had to have a better damn phone to call the lad

Landline already works baby

huss hussy baby sweet sillly starlight poem

I won't tell Joey.

Posted
Maggie also
ella falla falla alla

Megan Cadwallader Napora was the name I first heard uttered, maybe but the last to love me more than I her. We danced too long, under the old star stars like babes in our old misses arms. I love that baby so much. She was the best friend I ever knew but I never owned her rainy eyes or called her too much. She loves me mre than lfe but I love her more too. It's peace in the valley ken planted in that old seed.

Posted
git-annex devblog (Joey devblog)
day 598 Windows and test suite

Spent several days fixing test suite failures on Windows. This started out really annoying; I had to chase back a "NUL" -- the string not the pointer! -- to a indirect dependency that needed an update to work with recent ghc on Windows.

Then yesterday I fixed most of the other test suite failures on Windows. But, it became clear that the test suite was only testing adjusted unlocked branches on Windows, and was finding non-Windows-specific problems involving them. So, today I added a fifth pass to the test suite, so it will always test adjusted unlocked branches. And fixed all the problems with them that test suite turned up.

It turned out there was no good way to use git-annex import with an adjusted branch. Merging the imported branch into an adjusted branch is likely to result in spurious merge conflicts, and the merged files don't get adjusted. The solution was adding a new way to merge a single branch in the same way that git-annex sync handles merges: git-annex merge remote/master

Sadly, I think there are still a couple of test failures on Windows. (Can't win em all..)

Posted
Maggie also
Frustration

frustration may help something

anger may too

sow out your harrowing sorrow

in rhymes

Posted
Maggie also
lgoician

spell logician

no underline

say you are one

wonder what it bees

Posted
Maggie also
Panama

will always be here. sometime I will. A man ap is Panama backwards.

Posted
Maggie also
dark side of the ruin

There really is no

reason for me to be kicked off disability.

Consistency is the problem.

I must solve it before my disability is justly revoked.

Posted
git-annex devblog (Joey devblog)
day 597 git-lfs support

I've spent a week making git-annex be able to store files in a remote on a server using git-lfs.

That included writing a haskell implementation of the git-lfs protocol. That could be split out of git-annex into a library if someone wants to use it for something else.

Now git-lfs is now just another special remote as far as git-annex is concerned. Albeit one that it can't drop data from, because the git-lfs protocol does not have a way to delete an object.

Once nice thing about git-annex's support for git-lfs is it can be used along with git-remote-gcrypt, and the result is a remote where both the annexed files and the git repo contents are both encrypted.

See storing data in git-lfs for details.

Posted
Maggie also
Can Can

If you find yourself walking down the field of I can’t,

smash the pumpkins and get the heck out!

Run and scream to the garden of can

and plant the seeds in a hard metal can.

Posted
Maggie also
Fuck Disability

I am quitting this disability nonsense that so kindly got offered to me long ago, due to a real illness and I am rolling up my sleeves and diving into endless work, at my own determined will.

As such, I have determined I have 2 potential career trajectories, odd jobs and teaching creative writing is the one that I am currently on. But it doesn't pay much at all, so I am adding a trajectory to aim for with future schooling which I think is gonna be Occupational Therapy.

I believe in helping disabled people SO MUCH. And this is why I am writing you. If I could be an unpaid intern for you or a volunteer I would scoop it up and pour my heart into it, doing anything you can think of that I can do. Will you please come up with some unpaid work for me so I can train for this new life I am heading towards?

In the Light, Maggie

Posted
Maggie also
Science Fiction on Water in Appalachia

Dear Editor,

My own editors tell me I seem alarmist when I talk about climate change, so I forewarn you the genre is science fiction. The point is to keep it out of reality.

I love to swim at the YMCA. I swim in the pool in Bristol and have for 30 years, lapped next to the same general folks, some of whom I wonder who they are. How sad it would be, with the privatization of water, with the corporation fo water, if the pool had to be used to clean things or purified to drink. You might site the TVA dams and promise me this will not happen, but there is this thing called cost that comes with water. We won't need to Use the pool if water continues being relatively cheap, but we will Have to Use it if it skyrockets to 200 dollars a barrel.

What can we do to keep my fiction out of your reality? Personally, I invested in a rain barrel just in case. I am using it for grey water, which is non-potable water uses.

Our little neck of the woods might prove to be a sanctuary for some, as the tides rise, and as food grows less and less cheap. On the map of climate change, we seem to be safe in numerous scenarios, but the poor will always fight for our basic needs, and as more and more suffer, more and more people will be poor everywhere.

Editors ask me to write less alarmist, but I have found my voice.

Posted
Maggie also
5 AM Sunrise

Woke at 3:45 for a necessary poem, because of what stirred under it. Wrote a poem about a man I have probably lapped beside for 30 years. Wouldn't you love to see it?

Then rested in bed for an hour, and rose for the rising sun, before most of the birds even woke up. They are in a late summer mode. Spring birds rise much sooner.

Then I made eggs and coffee and worked on my Koan Field Guide to My Body, a Memoir. This is the most collected feeling works I have ever made! I am so proud of it's success.

Koan Field Guide to My Body, a Memoir started as these lines of memoir I just had to write down years ago. Eventually, I had written ten lines out, each on separate small pages, then I illustrated the happy childhood memories. Then, I put them aside for years to settle.

Now I have gathered the strain of thought I meant for it, and honored that theme in what I think will be a masterpiece, maybe my best ever. :) But that might be enough gloating for one day!

Except I wanted to add that it all comes around to the lap pool in a magnificent, much needed conclusion that might save my life, or prolong it tremendously. Goals have been established this morn.

Posted
Maggie also
On to be Off: Limiting Computer and Phone to an Hour a Day, I hope

I feel like I am stuck in my place of life, stuck in my relationship problems, stuck in a way that can’t ever be solved. That is when I close my eyes for a few seconds thinking I might sleep, but it is the time of early evening when I should not sleep because it will bother my night’s sleep. So I open up a little and think I am stuck again. I feel stuck in a moment, in a place, in a condition, in a way of interacting. But what I have been doing might be feeding the rut. At least in part, when I stepped away from online activity for about a week, a week ago, it felt good. I need to not go through the agony I must inflict on others when I say I am done for good with phone and computer, but it feels so refreshing to tone it back to almost nothing. What if I just checked phone and computer one time a day at a time of day that would do less harm. Noon comes to mind. That way I could enjoy the energy of my mornings and hibernate for a set allotment of time for a screen siesta, that had a limit on the amount of time I spend and was required to end within an hour, the less time the better. See, I am toying with needs I have, like community, connection, and creativity. In the feeling of rut I feel in deficit in these needed virtues, and I think that I feel overall better when I tone down my use of computer and phone. One thing that has been coming up, oddly, is the remakes that have been being produced in mass, like the remake of the Lion King. I think of myself as a different type of creator than fiction generally, but I think the spark that exists in fiction is a wild type of creativity, and it exhibits brilliance in a way that I would love to be more creative in that way. I have so many creative ideas that have been dying, flames have been going out every time I watch a cool Netflix sci fi show or get immersed in thinking about democratic candidates. Broadly the rut is that I don’t feel I am living a fulfilled life, but being a person who sees myself as valuable largely because of creativity, it feels sickening to have on the phone or computer when I can identify it as an inner problem in my creating. If I could go deeper into some creative projects right now, and see them through more in depth to completion, that is the goal for now. I might feel in anguish because work is not working or community is out of sight, but I can find community if I come into my porch or the YMCA happily. I must be happy though for anyone to really want to talk with me. Part of that lately has been swimming in the pool, which helps build up my emotional well being. I have been doing more swimming, but my creative projects are just standing rough drafts. My Koan Field Guides have been sketched out, preliminary, but I fell into a hole of Netflix for too long a time. Now it is time to return to Earth, to come back to where I am. Starting very soon I will just be limiting my device use to 1 hour a day or less at a set time. This will give the rest of my life room to stretch and breathe, to feel where I am, which is not a rut at all, but a wall that needs patched and a blank canvas painted, and a story written, and a poem lived.

Posted
Maggie also
Koan Field Guides

Patreon link: https://www.patreon.com/beautyitselfispurpose

I have a style which is rustic, expressive, emotional, and wabi sabi. To use the words of Leonard Koren, this style of beauty is becoming extinct. He goes on to compare a tea hut that he comes across to a big white plastic umbrella. That is the world in which we live.

On this historic day of the moon landing, I am conducting a scientific experiment upon myself. I am discontinuing use of computer and phone to live in the world where and when I actually am, forever.

I am quitting using these devices, and pouring my creativity into making Koan Field Guides. Koan Field Guides are my way of teaching what I know to the world. The first one I am currently working on is Back to the Land Field Guide. I happen to have grown up in the Back to the Land movement, a child of two Back to the Land farmers who moved to Washington County, Virginia in pursuit of pacifist farming communities.

Finding only pastures and weeds, they made their own sort of pacifist farms.

So I am currently signing off, and going to make that guide, and the ones to follow: Field Guides to Creativity, Haiku, Wabi Sabi, Neighborhoods, and Porches.

Won't you help my creative efforts?

Patreon link: https://www.patreon.com/beautyitselfispurpose

Posted

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